Husband’s property

This happened today, at my office.

My male colleague E, “Seena madam, you have become stylish nowadays”

I, with a smile “aanno? ” (Is it so?)

E, “new dresses, hair style, glasses and all. Suits you well.”

Another male colleague RS, “Hey, what is this man. She is a married lady. You are talking nonsense to a family girl. What will her husband think if he hears that, he might slap you”

Excuse me! Am I my husband’s property? A male colleague cannot compliment a female colleague if she is married ? Does he have to take the husband’s permission for that?

I was irritated and gave him a piece of my mind.

Actually he has been getting a piece of my mind every now and then.

When I was pregnant, the same RS had told me that he had prayed in the temple, for me to conceive, as I have been married for more than 2 years and it is because of him that I got pregnant ! 😯

Excuse me! Who are you (or anyone else for that matter) to decide when should I get pregnant.  It is something I and my husband should decide together. If we have decided not to have kids until we are ready to take the responsibility, why should anyone else be bothered about it. When I have never discussed or even remotely mentioned to  you or any of my colleagues on my plans to have or not to have a child, who gave you the right to assume that I badly wanted a child and pray for me in the temple ?

Even after getting an earful from me that day, he did not hesitate to tell me, when I was about to go on maternity leave, that he had prayed at the temple for me, to have a baby boy.

What the …. ! Who is he to decide I  should have a boy or a girl ? Why should he interfere in my personal affairs ? Why the preference for boy?

Now, who deserves the slap from my husband?

RS, believes that a colleague with whom I am friendly with should not pass compliments to a married family lady without the husband’s permission . At the same time a colleague, with whom I don’t even share a cordial relation and never ever discuss my personal affairs, can pray for me to conceive and then have a baby boy. He not only feels there is nothing wrong in it but also feels proud of it to brag about it.

Why ? Obviously, the social conditioning he has got from the patriarchic society he was brought up in. The social conditioning that did not tone down even after being educated, holding both a BE and an MBA degree and working in a professional environment as an Engineer for nearly ten years.

A social conditioning that teaches that a woman and her beauty is only husband’s property. A social conditioning that teaches that a woman’s duty is to get married and within a year give birth to a boy. Any other male complementing the woman is violating the husband’s property rights. Any other male praying for the woman to conceive and giving birth to a male child is being a well wisher to the couple.

It  was just after the above incident that I read this at IHM’s blog.  Isn’t the same social conditioning, mentioned above, the reason for an woman’s honor  to be linked with her status of being married. Rape becomes nothing to do with the woman’s mental and physical trauma, but everything to do with losing  honor and becoming unfit for marriage. Marriage becomes nothing about love and mutual respect but everything about the woman’s honor and status in the society.

Absolutely agree with each and every word  Lauren Nelson has written.

From the facebook comments image she has posted, we can understand the society we live in :

  • 16 year old girl is expected to be mature enough to not get drunk.
  • 16/17 year old boys are expected to get drunk.
  • 16 year old girl is expected to protect her ‘modesty’ even while she is heavily drunk and unconscious.
  • 16/17 year old boys when heavily drunk are expected to rape the drunk girl.
  • 16 year old girl is a slut when she gets raped when she was drunk and unconscious.
  • 16/17 year old boys are poor victims of fate when they are charged for raping the girl.
  • 16 year old girl getting drunk shows degradation of social/moral values.
  • 16/17 year boys getting drunk, raping, joking about the rape, posting the photos in social network are innocent.
  • 16 year old girl should be charged for underage drinking.
  • 16/17 year boys involved in underage drinking and rape are wrongly charged and convicted.
  • 16 year old girl who got drunk and passed out, in no position to object, was asking for it, is responsible for her rape, is a slut/whore, got what she asked for and did not lose anything.
  • 16/17 year old boys who got drunk, did only what most people in their position would have done, are not responsible for what they did, were just stupid to post it in social network , are innocent and wrongfully got their promising career ruined due to biased law.

Also read : Teens who witnessed the crimes used their phones to snap pictures and photos – never to call 911

Rethink the Rant

TRIGGER WARNING:

The following includes descriptions, photos, and video that may serve as a trigger for victims of sexual violence.
Please be advised. 

Someone asked me today, “What is ‘rape culture’ anyway? I’m tired of hearing about it.”

Yeah, I hear ya. I’m tired of talking about it. But I’m going to keep talking about it because people like you keep asking that question.

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and though there are dozens of witnesses, no one says, “Stop.”

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and though there are dozens of witnesses, they can’t get anyone to come forward.

Rape culture is when a group of athletes rape a young girl, and adults are informed of it, but no consequences are doled out because the boys “said nothing happened.”

Rape culture is when a group…

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